Happy Easter to all the non-pirates in the crowd

So it seems that the Navy got some action over the weekend.

And a funny little blog entitled, "The Sniper" has the best snark:



Heh. Via Ace. AAAE.

Where's Waldo, Pentagon/DARPA edition

So some smart lad at the Pentagon asks the question, "Hey how long would it take a group of people to discover the locations of 10 randomly placed balloons, scattered all over the US, using only the internet and social networking sites?"

Answer: 9 hours.

9. Hours.

NINE. HOURS.

THE ENTIRE UNITED STATES.

HOURS.

Freaking-a. In honor of the Wandering One, the Lost One must exclaim, "All hail the mighty engineers."

Update: Saw this post on people scamming Airline miles. Freaking Awesome.

Texas Bans Marriage

Ace has a post up of what must be the worst written Constitutional amendment, evah. Here is the bit of the Texas State constitution that's quoted on Ace:

"This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage."

Of course, you know what is identical to marriage? Marriage. With legislatures like this, what a bloody brilliant time to be a lawyer. In fact I'm going to quote Dark Helmet here: "So Lonestar, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb."

Dang, it feels good to be a gangsta.

Until next time kids.

Batman on Racism

So the LA Times has it's undies in the proverbial knot over a picture of The Messiah in chief as the Joker from *The Dark Knight*. Allegations of racism soon fly and well...this gets made. Heh. Worth it.

Man kills 300lb Bear with stick. Awesome? Not so fast.

Turns out the guy was a Marine back in the day. So in order to have a fair fight, he should have had one hand tied behind his back or wore an eye patch over his right eye, whilst agreeing not to turn left, or their should have been a knife. For the bear to use.

From the Article:

For Everhart, the 300-pound bear that attacked his sons was almost a problem too
big to handle.
"This one got a little too aggressive for me," he said. "If
the bear had gotten near my kids, I would have just jumped on it. Knowing me,
that's what I would have done..."

"...Then I would have ripped its heart from its chest, and ate it. Raw." Well, the Lost One is sure he meant to say it anyways.

Still, the Lost One supposes he will say well done to former (as if their is such a thing when one speaks of Devil Dogs) marine Chris Everhart. One toss, one kill, bet the ol' gunny is grunting, "Satisfactory". Via Ace (AAAE).

Lost In the World Official® Endorsement: Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies

Having not officially read the book, the Lost One endorses it all the same. Read the back cover and you will see why:

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of
brains must be in want of more brains." So begins Pride and Prejudice and
Zombies, an expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new
scenes of bone-crunching zombie mayhem. As our story opens, a mysterious plague
has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning
to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie
menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr.
Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized
sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the
blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating
undead. Can she vanquish the spawn of Satan? And overcome the social prejudices
of the class-conscious landed gentry? Complete with romance, heartbreak,
swordfights, cannibalism, and thousands of rotting corpses, Pride and Prejudice
and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd
actually want to read.

Heh.

New A-Team movie?!!???!!!

Huh. Could be good, but the obvious question remains: Can the bad guys hit a man sized target at 10 feet? If the answer is yes, then the movie will be more realistic, but...Where's the fun in that? Later.

Nerd Cakes

Okay, these are just awesome. It seems, nerds no longer content to be quietly...er...nerdy, have now begun making delicious and cool looking cakes (And is the Lost One the only one who was shocked ridged by the fact that 2 of these were groom cakes? [The Lost One can't decide whether he is horrified by the grooms or whether he admires them, after all they are getting married might as well let their geek flags fly]):

An AT-AT Cake

Obi-Wan Cake

Millennium Falcon Cake

Serenity Cake

Each so brilliantly dorky, one has to sit back in wonder. Via Ace (AAAE).

News of both...

The Sacred:

Two students who were threatened with suspension at the College of Alameda after
one of them prayed with an ailing teacher in a faculty office can sue the
community college district for allegedly violating their freedom of speech, a
federal judge has ruled....The women sued, and U.S. District Judge Susan Illston
ruled in San Francisco that their case could proceed, saying a college student
has the right to pray in private outside the classroom.

San Fransisco?!??!! Huh, who'd a thunk it?:

Kyriacou prayed with the teacher, Sharon Bell, at an office Bell shared with
other teachers, on two occasions in November and December 2007. The second time,
a day when Bell was feeling ill, another teacher entered the office and told
Kyriacou, "You can't be doing that in here," and the student stopped praying and
left, the suit said.
Kyriacou and Omaga received suspension notices 10 days
later. Omaga was accused of praying disruptively in class, Illston said, citing
testimony at the students' disciplinary hearings.

Well, it looks like someone is about to get their tenure snapped. Heh heh.

Now on to the "Profane". Washington, DC is often referred to as "Hollywood, for ugly people", but it would seem that that is only true of American politics. So here's a link to a list of the 65 most beautiful women in international politics. (Scroll down past the Espanol [OK, so it's not that profane, none of the pictures are "risque" so it's totally SFW, but the Lost One had a perfectly good set up to use]). Smart and pretty = *Sigh*. Enjoy. Oh, but watch out for #46.

Via, drum roll please, Ace (AAAE).

Episcopal Denomination, Now with Less Crazy!

Now, in an effort to get back to the funny, Lost In The World, proudly presents: Ann Holmes Redding, The Priest who doesn't bother with all that boring Bible reading. The Lost One first became aware of Ms. Redding waaaaaaaaaay back in the days of yore known as the magic land of 2007. It turns out that then Rev. Redding attended an interfaith Class, from the Seattle Times:

at a St. Mark's interfaith class, another Muslim leader taught a chanted prayer and led a meditation on opening one's heart. The chanting appealed to the singer in Redding; the meditation spoke to her heart. She began saying the prayer daily.

First, we have the obvious question: Why was a Christian church hosting an Islamic class on how to pray like a Muslim? Is it just the Lost One? Was this made a best practice while he wasn't looking? Anyways...

Eventually, Ms. Redding decided, well let's let her tell it:

"I could not not be a Muslim...At the most basic level, I understand the two religions to be compatible...I am both Christian and Muslim."

But how you say, does that work?

"There are tenets of the faiths that are very, very different,"said Kurt Fredrickson, director of the doctor of ministry program at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, Calif. "The most basic would be: What do you do with Jesus?" Christianity has historically regarded Jesus as the son of God and God incarnate, both fully human and fully divine. Muslims, though they regard Jesus as a great prophet, do not see him as divine and do not consider him the son of God.

And how did Redding respond?

Redding doesn't feel she has to resolve all the contradictions..."why would I spend time to try to reconcile all of Christian belief with all of Islam?"

Umm, because YOU'RE A FREAKING PRIEST!!!???!! So how did she get here?

"It wasn't about intellect,"

You don't say.

"All I know is the calling of my heart to Islam was very much something about my identity and who I am supposed to be."...As much as she loves her church, she has always challenged it. She calls Christianity the "world religion of privilege." She has never believed in original sin. And for years she struggled with the nature of Jesus' divinity.

So we have a radical lefty, who never actually committed to the basic tenants of Christianity. And she was both ordained and employed by a Christian organization. For 30 years. Fan-freaking-tastic.

Yet, all good things must come to an end: from CNN

For nearly 30 years, Redding has been an ordained minister in the Episcopal Church. Her priesthood ended Wednesday when she was defrocked.

Over 3 years after her "conversion". 3 Years.

James Wellman, who chairs the department of comparative religion at the University of Washington, said that while it is not unusual for people to "mix and match" beliefs, it is almost unheard of for a minister to claim two religions. "When you take ordination as a Christian minister, you take an explicit vow of loyalty to Jesus. It's hard for me to understand how a Christian minister could have dual loyalties," Wellman said.

So obvious a contradiction, even a secularist can see it.

The Diocese of Rhode Island, where Redding was ordained, told her to leave either her new Muslim faith or the ministry. A diocese statement said Bishop Geralyn Wolf found Redding to be "a woman of utmost integrity. However, the Bishop believes that a priest of the Church cannot be both a Christian and a Muslim.

3 Years. 2 years after an article was published about her. *Sigh* Well, better late then never. Via Ace (AAAE).

For those of you who have asked...

There are no vampires in Massachusetts:

"Lynne Mooney Teta sent a notice out Thursday to faculty, students, and
parents denying the presence of bloodsuckers. She declined, however, to
offer details about the rumors."

Of course the idea of vampires in Massachusetts is ridiculous. And what would vampires being doing at Boston Latin School...Huh.

Well, how could there possibly be bloodsuckers from a school that has such prestigious alumni as Ben Franklin, Sam Adams, Sumner Redstone, and...Wait, Louis Farrakhan!?!!?

Crap, does anyone know what the last minute fair for a flight to Boston is? The Lost One suddenly senses there might be some EVH business in New England.

Via Ace, as always, as ever.

All the Planet's Problems Have Been Solved!

It must be official, otherwise why would the UN being wasting their time (and money) holding a retrospective of Battlestar Galactica? Don't miss take the Lost One, he was a huge fan of the show, it's fun. It's thought provoking. But, above all it's a television show.

From TV Guide:

"Standing in a United Nations chamber before a table covered in placards for
each of the 12 Battlestar Galactica colonies, Edward James Olmos delivered a
stirring speech that led a crowd of reporters and students to join in a chant of
'So say we all,' one of the key phrases from the show.
It could have been a stirring moment in the series finale — but the moment was real. "

The Lost One is (given his well known enmity towards the most useless entity ever created, the UN) less then shocked to see them waste time, money, and prestige on a chance to rub elbows with a few famous people (Official UN "Goodwill" ambassadors Geri "Sexy Spice" Halliwell, or Angelina "Adopt'em all, let God sort'em out" Jolie anyone?). Still, there is nothing useful that they could be doing at this point? Nothing?

The Lost One doesn't know which is sadder, that people accept this from the UN, or that it well may be the truth.

Women Who Should be Avoided, cause, Dude, Wench be Crazy: 1 in a suprisingly large series

So, in order to add a little gender balance to his blog and because his primary (/sole) readership is male the Lost One will now relate the bloody tale of Dominique Fisher.

Like many a cautionary tale, this one starts with a guy who made a bad choice. A very bad choice. Some argue that that choice was getting out of bed on the day of the incident, the Lost One can't really argue with that. But the Lost One being a proximate cause sort, pegs it as drinking. No that's wrong. Not drinking. Drinking is wrong. Drinking excessively to the point of blacking out at the wrong darn time, is what the Lost One meant. See while the boy in question was imbibing, rather, shall we say, generously, he met the afore mentioned Loon at a party.

Now, those of you who have followed the link (which you shouldn't do, until after you've finished the post [can't ruin the ending don't you know]), have probably seen Dominique. She doesn't look crazy. This tip is for the boys, from the Lost One to you. Gents, the really dangerous crazy ones...rarely look crazy. Particularly to drunk eyes. But he digresses.

Our young man having acquired a fresh set of Beer goggles begins a conversation with the crack pot. Mistake #2. Because while a sober person might have seen the crazy coming, our boy was out of his wits. Quesera, sera . During the course of this conversation, Our kooky friend Dominique invites our boy back to her room, for a little...You get the idea.

Here, our inebriated friend failed to remember his Shakespeare, as the Bard tells us, "Strong drink giveth the desire, but taketh away the ability." In this case the ability in question was the ability to defend one's self, but that's in the future.

After returning to the demented dame's flat (as the British say), the two accomplished the young man's mission (so to speak), and he made mistake #3. He passed out in her bed, leaving her with nothing to do, and no one to talk to, so what is young Dominique to do?

Carve her name into his shoulder, it turns out. And not just her name, but also a couple of arrows indicating where her name was on his body, cause the huge bloody swatch was just too darn subtle, the Lost One supposes. Also, some fairly artistic other drawings, that, like an Escher painting, seem to make a new picture depending on the angle one views them in. Interesting. If you know, IT WASN'T THAT IT WAS HACKED INTO HIS ARM. And he stays passed out through the whole, darn episode. Yikes.

But of course, eventually, he wakes up, and of course he calls the police. So what does our girl have to say for herself?

"He asked me to do it."

Moral lessons learned:

1. Drinking to excess is bad.

2. Talking to women in this state, is likewise to be avoided.

3. You are not so attractive as a drunk that any but a psycho-chick will find you attractive.

Just saying. until next time.

Guys Less Worthy of a Date then Me: 1 in a series of a Depressingly Large Number

Ok Ladies, as part of the Lost One's new, "Get me a date this Friday" initiative the Lost One is going to tell of a man whose own status as single, should terrify any woman who reads this blog (of which there are none), directly into the arms of the Lost One purely so they can change their status on Face book/MySpace to "in a relationship". So without further adieu and with no more gilding of the Lilly the Lost One gives you, a brief, terrifying glimpse of Jonathan Alfred "The Impaler" Sharkey.

First thing to know about Sharkey is that he once ran for governor of Minnesota. Now the Lost One knows what you are thinking, "Politician? 'Nuff said." But oh, no friends it gets so much better. See, our boy Sharkey ran on the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party ticket (What does the party believe? Well, they are like the Democratic party, except they are a bunch of very pale white people, who claim to stick up for persecuted minorities but instead spend most of their time sucking their "constituency" dry…Wait a tick, they're exactly like the Democratic party). Less, you think that "The Impaler" is merely a uniting kinda guy, who eschews "identity politics" in favor of a "big tent" approach, Sharkey is, in fact according to his Website (And what website would contain false information?), a vampyre. Yes, you can tell he's old; he spells it with a "y". In his bid for governor he came out with strong religious convictions, "'I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus,' says Sharkey. 'I just hate God the Father.'" On a side note, is the Lost One the only one jazzed that a politician knew enough about Christianity to know the difference? Moving on. Sharkey is quite up front with how he treats those who give money to his cause, ""I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood." Refreshing honesty, given the Lost One is *still* getting E-mails from John McCain encouraging him to donate money (Dude, the Lost One thought you sucked as a presidential candidate, why would he give you money to be someone *else's* Senator?) Yet, somehow he lost.

Oh, sure, like every politician he had a past, a few skeletons in his closet (Litera…Nah, too obvious) but what politician doesn't? Sharkey was arrested twice for "Stalking". What happened to this country when a fella can't go through the trash of random strangers he finds attractive?!?? What like there's some kinda law against that now? Whatever. Moving on.

But Sharkey was rising above it all, to make a stab at the highest office in all the Land, the presidency of these United States (Which, after all is a tale as old as time, isn't it? Creature of the night runs for and loses gubanatorial bid. Creature of the night is arrested for stalking. Creature of the night rises to become president. Who hasn't heard it a thousand times by now?). Yet, it was not to be because of, you guessed it, a woman. Or girl to be exact. Quick, to the crazy (Via the Fox News link), "[Sharkey] was running for president in 2007 when the 16-year-old Rochester girl wrote a message of support on his MySpace page. She told police they began dating online, and the threats began when she tried to break off the relationship." Obviously, this is all the girls fault. I mean, everyone knows that "message of support" is code for, "Please bite my neck", I mean right? Right? Riiiiight? Moving on, "She told police that "in a desperate attempt" to get him to leave her alone, she had e-mailed him that she was a member of an elite vampire hunter society and that continuing their relationship would put him in danger." This statement angers the Lost One so deeply, he can barely type. When the Lost One applied to the EVH he had to pass a physical fitness test, and write a 300 page Opus on Vampire lore (the mental health test was waived, of course. For obvious reasons). Now he comes back to find that apparently any pretty face or even really anyone with a "Vampire Hunters do it all night long" bumper sticker can join. Please. But our boy was not deterred. Wooing his love the traditional way, love notes written in blood. Threatening her parents. Why he even placed here on a pedestal of sorts, "[Sharkey] referred to the Rochester girl as his wife and princess." Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

So ladies, how about it?

Sharkey or the Lost One?

The Lost One will be sitting by his phone waiting for the calls to come in.

Via Ace (As always)

Because Ace was Frickin' on fire today...

You know how some days, you get no good news stories, and the best thing to talk about is like...A Columbine Coxswain falling into the water? Well, that's not today at Ace's, oh no my friends.

First, Young Adolph Hitler Jr. has been removed from his parents home. CPS suspects abuse (You Think!).

Next, A man sells his daughter into "Marriage" for cash, meat (Romantic, No?), Gatorade, and Beer (Wait, now it all makes sense). PS Cohabitation is a euphamism, what for? The Lost One will leave it to you to figure out.

Tertiary, Humanity is forcing the evolution of all the things we are currently hunting to near extinction (You know, the Lost One once made this argument to one of his Hippee teachers. She had a near heart attack.) As Ace says, "You're welcome."

Finally, (though, honestly I'd heard about this from other sources...) a women's study major is auctioning off here virginity/ being shocked some of the bidders are, "Creepy". The Lost One is shocked she used the word, "Some". Then again, if she's actually going to go through with it, maybe not. The lies we tell ourself. Update: Ace has a link to a radio host trying to show the girl the error of her ways.

You can't make this stuff up, and Ace deserves some link love for his crack research. Go give it to him. Hasta.