New A-Team movie?!!???!!!

Huh. Could be good, but the obvious question remains: Can the bad guys hit a man sized target at 10 feet? If the answer is yes, then the movie will be more realistic, but...Where's the fun in that? Later.

The Lost in the World guide to books you shouldn't read, Cinema edition.

In his previous blog, the Lost One liked to mock bad books (Here and Here, for those interested). Now having seen a movie based on a waaaaaaaaaaaay too popular book series, the Lost One proudly presents, The Lost in the World guide to books you shouldn't read, Cinema edition, or why Twilight sucks.

The basic problem with Twilight, is that it fails to properly appreciate the role of the modern vampire. The figure has his roots in the seminal work of fiction, Bram Stoker's Dracula, where, unlike his other forgettable monsters, Stoker managed to turn the monster into a metaphor. Read the book, and it will quickly become apparent that the Vampire is a loose (A very loose [A very very loose]) symbol for the person who has lost control of their own libido. Don't believe the Lost One? Read the book. Some of Dracula's attack scenes are quite blush inducing, and at one point the Three Sisters, upon learning of Drac's plan to steal Mina Harper mock him by saying, "You will never find love."

And that is the grand truth of the Sexual libertine, he will never find love in excess, for pleasure is a tread mill that goes no where, and demands more and more stimuli to reach previous levels. Thus, in Dracula we have a monster, without a doubt, but a monster that is us at our worst, and most selfish. In that way, Dracula is an interesting and approachable character.

Yet, in Twilight, the vampire is presented as a controlled monster, a dog on a lease. It is obvious the author is aware of the tradition (She makes references to her characters, "Losing Control" [I.E. killing humans] in the sexual act), and yet chooses to allow her Vampiric hero, to control his blood lust in the name of love. The result is to imply that, rather then killing love in its cradle as it really does, in excess one can find love. No. Simply no.

Of course the term "love" is itself corrupted as a result, and we see C.S. Lewis' wise definition, "The Lover wants only the best for the beloved.", twisted into a sick simulacrum of itself, "The Lover wants the best for himself from the Beloved." As all through out the movie the Lost One kept thinking, "Oh, you love her? How horrible, for both of you. Just move away and she will forget you and find someone new. After all, most widows remarry." Of course, the "hero" doesn't, but exposes her to constant danger, for no better reason then...er...ah...

Which brings the Lost One to his second complaint, this movie has no logic. At all. See it's a family of vampires, living in the middle of nowhere (Why? A big city is much, much, much better for getting anonymously lost in), who attend school with normal people (Why? Two words, *Home Schooling*), and have super awesome powers (Why? Magic? Science? No answer.) no weaknesses (Why Aren't they proud to be Vampires then?) and are content to live on the fringes of society (Why? If they truly are as powerful and weakness free, why go with the whole blood lust scenario? Why, to quote a better vampire flick, isn't it that "Humanities Free Range days are over." [British Mini Series Ultraviolet. WAY better then Twilight.]) Yet ultimately, the author has no answers or merely weak ones. And when a plot point exists outside of reality, and only to move along the plot, there is a technical term for that in writing. "Bad writing".

Which leads to the final complaint, namely this is just another version of the Lost One's least beloved bedtime story, the bad boy who just needs to be loved. (That sound? The one you hear wherever you are on this happy spinning globe that is big daddy Earth, is the sound of the Lost One vomiting) But again, this fantasy is just as shallow as the male fantasy that, ironically, the vampire was created to mock, the I-can-sleep-with-every-one-consequence-free idea that is at the heart of the vampire mythos. Only, where STDs (Or STIs depending on the vernacular) have killed the male version, the female version is still alive, and keeping women in crappy relationships with abusive husbands, boyfriends, and lovers the world around. Yuck.

So ultimately, the Lost One must turn to a quote from the Sage that is the Ace of Spades, "There are 2 kinds of vampire films, ones in which valiant humans battle against impossible odds, to save humanity from monsters, and vampire films that suck." Wise words. Wise words, indeed.

Thanks Science!

Science! Once more with the helpful. Headline:

"Refusing whooping cough vaccine shown to raise risk" (Of getting whooping cough)
O'rly? Until next time.

Nerd Cakes

Okay, these are just awesome. It seems, nerds no longer content to be quietly...er...nerdy, have now begun making delicious and cool looking cakes (And is the Lost One the only one who was shocked ridged by the fact that 2 of these were groom cakes? [The Lost One can't decide whether he is horrified by the grooms or whether he admires them, after all they are getting married might as well let their geek flags fly]):

An AT-AT Cake

Obi-Wan Cake

Millennium Falcon Cake

Serenity Cake

Each so brilliantly dorky, one has to sit back in wonder. Via Ace (AAAE).

Some Music for Your Life.

Courtesy of the group Bitter:Sweet here's Sugar Mama:


And here's links to their other, much, much ,much, more scandalous work (Light content warning for those with particular sensitivity to suggestive lyrics):

1. Dirty Laundry (from *Castle* commercials, also a Microsoft Zune commercial)

2. The Bomb (*Confessions of a Shopaholic* preview)

Scandalous, but the Lost One thinks, all in good fun.

Until next time.

Childhood is Calling...

Hang Up. Recently the Lost One was asked what the craziest thing he had ever done was, and after thinking about it...he couldn't think of anything. The fact is the Lost One was born at or around 50 years old, and so consequently any time something scandalous was being done the Lost One's response was, "Oh, I would but...The risk reward matrix isn't coming out in your favor. Sorry." (The Sylvan Creature could, was he feeling unkind, relate many a story of the Lost One's cowardliness [the waiting by the getaway car while others TP'ed a friend's car jumps, instantly and embarrassingly to mind]. Lucky for the Lost One, the Sylvan Creature is too much the gentleman to do so)

However, at last vindication! The Lost One has no stories like this one, he found while watching "This American Life". Enjoy. (Mild Content warning- There are a couple of bleeped expletives and drug references):



Ah, the stupidity of youth. Be happy your older.

Lost in the World, Esq.

Just thought you'd like to know is all. Yay, Lost One. And since he enjoys saying it in song here is from Joss Whedon's Webisodic masterpiece *Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog* "Everything You Ever" Lost in the World Esquire mix:

Here lies everything
The world I wanted at my feet
My victory's complete
So hail to the chief

(Everything you ever)

Arise and see
So your world is fine
So you think justice has no voice and we all have no choice
Well now your world is mine

(Everything you ever)

And I am fine

*Musical Interlude*

Now the nightmares real
Now Lost in the World, Esq. is here to make you quake with fear
To make the whole world kneel

(Everything you ever)

And I wont feel...
a thing.
*End of Song*

Until next time.