For those of you who have asked...

There are no vampires in Massachusetts:

"Lynne Mooney Teta sent a notice out Thursday to faculty, students, and
parents denying the presence of bloodsuckers. She declined, however, to
offer details about the rumors."

Of course the idea of vampires in Massachusetts is ridiculous. And what would vampires being doing at Boston Latin School...Huh.

Well, how could there possibly be bloodsuckers from a school that has such prestigious alumni as Ben Franklin, Sam Adams, Sumner Redstone, and...Wait, Louis Farrakhan!?!!?

Crap, does anyone know what the last minute fair for a flight to Boston is? The Lost One suddenly senses there might be some EVH business in New England.

Via Ace, as always, as ever.

All the Planet's Problems Have Been Solved!

It must be official, otherwise why would the UN being wasting their time (and money) holding a retrospective of Battlestar Galactica? Don't miss take the Lost One, he was a huge fan of the show, it's fun. It's thought provoking. But, above all it's a television show.

From TV Guide:

"Standing in a United Nations chamber before a table covered in placards for
each of the 12 Battlestar Galactica colonies, Edward James Olmos delivered a
stirring speech that led a crowd of reporters and students to join in a chant of
'So say we all,' one of the key phrases from the show.
It could have been a stirring moment in the series finale — but the moment was real. "

The Lost One is (given his well known enmity towards the most useless entity ever created, the UN) less then shocked to see them waste time, money, and prestige on a chance to rub elbows with a few famous people (Official UN "Goodwill" ambassadors Geri "Sexy Spice" Halliwell, or Angelina "Adopt'em all, let God sort'em out" Jolie anyone?). Still, there is nothing useful that they could be doing at this point? Nothing?

The Lost One doesn't know which is sadder, that people accept this from the UN, or that it well may be the truth.

Entertainment vs. Art?

In his daily constitutional around the web, the Lost One discovered that the *Boundless* crew is all in a tizzy over *Watchmen* (No doubt, those of you who read *Boundless* regularly are shocked, simply shocked that someone on staff would voice a strong opinion [The Lost One often jokes that it is in the staff contract at *Boundless* that white smoke must be deployed when a new person is hired]), namely wondering aloud whether the movie is too full of adult content to be seen by Christians. This in turn led to a debate about what is art as opposed to entertainment leading to just a few of the relevant quotes below:

Anyone who visits the Vatican knows the difference between the Renaissance paintings of nudes inside, and the semi-pornographic billboards outside.

I think there is a difference between sculptures/paintings and real life...entertainment nudity...

Nakedness in an artistic context (the statue of the David, for example) is very different from another context.

All of this debate has led the Lost One to ask a very basic question: Is there, in actuality a legitimate distinction twixt art and Entertainment? To which the Lost One must answer emphatically, NO.

What's funny is that when one side defending *Watchmen* makes a statement about the nudity in the art world, people are quick to cry, "Foul". "They are different," The critic says, "Art is viewed by rich people in museums who use words like, 'Narrative Painting"', 'Maquette', and (the Lost One's favorite), 'Iconography'. It's far removed from something made for the menial purpose of mass consumption."

But of course the question is, is it? What most people fail to appreciate is the fact that art is always made to be viewed. It is not made for the artist to achieve catharsis, or to showcase their intellectual talent. No art is, at it's best, about the bringing of a new idea to the viewer. About communicating with them, about challenging them, about elevating them, but always about them. It's not focused on the artist's wants, needs, or personal beliefs about what the "right" crowd is. It is about communicating universal truth, universally. Indeed, a quick perusal of the art terms above will show that all of them are about selling the art, or communicating a story. Art is, and always has been about communicating.

The second thing missing is the simple fact that most of what we consider art, was created for mass consumption. Few would argue that Shakespeare isn't art. Yet Shakespeare wrote, not so students can discuss...say... the use of Amazon myth to subjugate women (or not), or the insights of a playwright into the follies of both youth and age, or the evil and corrupting nature of power, but instead wrote so the groundlings could laugh at poor Helena, who goes from one too few lovers, to one to many (Midsummer's Night Dream), to cry with Juliet when her parent's force her love to suicide, and herself as well (Romeo & Juliet), and to hiss at Richard III as he seduces a widow in front of the quickly cooling corpse of her own husband (Richard III). The fact that each of these plays excels at beautiful subtext, and thought provoking ideas, in no way diminish the fun for which they were ultimately created. It's the same in Painting, how many of the paintings we admire today were commissioned by nobles, purely for the pleasure of keeping up with the Jones, (Or De Gauls, or Reyes, or Mèdicis)? In architecture, Vitruvius' De Architectura is dedicated to the Emperor Augustus, is it so hard to believe this is because the designer was actively hoping to be massively popular? The Lost One thinks not.

Thus, there are things one could say against *Watchmen* (And the Lost One might just. Only...later), but the one thing you mustn't ever say is, "It's just entertainment." There is, ultimately, no such animal.

Nothing's Happening so...

Rule #1 of Blogging, when you have nothing nice to say...Post a video. Enjoy.



Because it was funny. And now because the Lost One's "Get a date initiative" was successful...



Dating Humor:How To Convince Someone It's Me, Not You

Until next time.

Science! Strikes Again.

Any long term readers of the Lost One's other blog (of which there where none) know that the Lost One has a love/hate relationship with Science! No not, science. Science! the self important article that is released absolutely proving something we usually already knew at a cost of have a mint to the tax payer. It's almost always, overly expensive, and a way to make sure some PH.D candidate is making the jump to full professor. While these stories tend to be fun, they are usually insultingly obvious.

Still...

So, in the spirit of finding the funny the Lost One announces the newest finding of Science!

Kissing a Lover makes you feel good.

Any bets it took them $5 million plus to come to that conclusion? No? Oh, well until next time.

Women Who Should be Avoided, cause, Dude, Wench be Crazy: 1 in a suprisingly large series

So, in order to add a little gender balance to his blog and because his primary (/sole) readership is male the Lost One will now relate the bloody tale of Dominique Fisher.

Like many a cautionary tale, this one starts with a guy who made a bad choice. A very bad choice. Some argue that that choice was getting out of bed on the day of the incident, the Lost One can't really argue with that. But the Lost One being a proximate cause sort, pegs it as drinking. No that's wrong. Not drinking. Drinking is wrong. Drinking excessively to the point of blacking out at the wrong darn time, is what the Lost One meant. See while the boy in question was imbibing, rather, shall we say, generously, he met the afore mentioned Loon at a party.

Now, those of you who have followed the link (which you shouldn't do, until after you've finished the post [can't ruin the ending don't you know]), have probably seen Dominique. She doesn't look crazy. This tip is for the boys, from the Lost One to you. Gents, the really dangerous crazy ones...rarely look crazy. Particularly to drunk eyes. But he digresses.

Our young man having acquired a fresh set of Beer goggles begins a conversation with the crack pot. Mistake #2. Because while a sober person might have seen the crazy coming, our boy was out of his wits. Quesera, sera . During the course of this conversation, Our kooky friend Dominique invites our boy back to her room, for a little...You get the idea.

Here, our inebriated friend failed to remember his Shakespeare, as the Bard tells us, "Strong drink giveth the desire, but taketh away the ability." In this case the ability in question was the ability to defend one's self, but that's in the future.

After returning to the demented dame's flat (as the British say), the two accomplished the young man's mission (so to speak), and he made mistake #3. He passed out in her bed, leaving her with nothing to do, and no one to talk to, so what is young Dominique to do?

Carve her name into his shoulder, it turns out. And not just her name, but also a couple of arrows indicating where her name was on his body, cause the huge bloody swatch was just too darn subtle, the Lost One supposes. Also, some fairly artistic other drawings, that, like an Escher painting, seem to make a new picture depending on the angle one views them in. Interesting. If you know, IT WASN'T THAT IT WAS HACKED INTO HIS ARM. And he stays passed out through the whole, darn episode. Yikes.

But of course, eventually, he wakes up, and of course he calls the police. So what does our girl have to say for herself?

"He asked me to do it."

Moral lessons learned:

1. Drinking to excess is bad.

2. Talking to women in this state, is likewise to be avoided.

3. You are not so attractive as a drunk that any but a psycho-chick will find you attractive.

Just saying. until next time.

Guys Less Worthy of a Date then Me: 1 in a series of a Depressingly Large Number

Ok Ladies, as part of the Lost One's new, "Get me a date this Friday" initiative the Lost One is going to tell of a man whose own status as single, should terrify any woman who reads this blog (of which there are none), directly into the arms of the Lost One purely so they can change their status on Face book/MySpace to "in a relationship". So without further adieu and with no more gilding of the Lilly the Lost One gives you, a brief, terrifying glimpse of Jonathan Alfred "The Impaler" Sharkey.

First thing to know about Sharkey is that he once ran for governor of Minnesota. Now the Lost One knows what you are thinking, "Politician? 'Nuff said." But oh, no friends it gets so much better. See, our boy Sharkey ran on the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party ticket (What does the party believe? Well, they are like the Democratic party, except they are a bunch of very pale white people, who claim to stick up for persecuted minorities but instead spend most of their time sucking their "constituency" dry…Wait a tick, they're exactly like the Democratic party). Less, you think that "The Impaler" is merely a uniting kinda guy, who eschews "identity politics" in favor of a "big tent" approach, Sharkey is, in fact according to his Website (And what website would contain false information?), a vampyre. Yes, you can tell he's old; he spells it with a "y". In his bid for governor he came out with strong religious convictions, "'I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus,' says Sharkey. 'I just hate God the Father.'" On a side note, is the Lost One the only one jazzed that a politician knew enough about Christianity to know the difference? Moving on. Sharkey is quite up front with how he treats those who give money to his cause, ""I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood." Refreshing honesty, given the Lost One is *still* getting E-mails from John McCain encouraging him to donate money (Dude, the Lost One thought you sucked as a presidential candidate, why would he give you money to be someone *else's* Senator?) Yet, somehow he lost.

Oh, sure, like every politician he had a past, a few skeletons in his closet (Litera…Nah, too obvious) but what politician doesn't? Sharkey was arrested twice for "Stalking". What happened to this country when a fella can't go through the trash of random strangers he finds attractive?!?? What like there's some kinda law against that now? Whatever. Moving on.

But Sharkey was rising above it all, to make a stab at the highest office in all the Land, the presidency of these United States (Which, after all is a tale as old as time, isn't it? Creature of the night runs for and loses gubanatorial bid. Creature of the night is arrested for stalking. Creature of the night rises to become president. Who hasn't heard it a thousand times by now?). Yet, it was not to be because of, you guessed it, a woman. Or girl to be exact. Quick, to the crazy (Via the Fox News link), "[Sharkey] was running for president in 2007 when the 16-year-old Rochester girl wrote a message of support on his MySpace page. She told police they began dating online, and the threats began when she tried to break off the relationship." Obviously, this is all the girls fault. I mean, everyone knows that "message of support" is code for, "Please bite my neck", I mean right? Right? Riiiiight? Moving on, "She told police that "in a desperate attempt" to get him to leave her alone, she had e-mailed him that she was a member of an elite vampire hunter society and that continuing their relationship would put him in danger." This statement angers the Lost One so deeply, he can barely type. When the Lost One applied to the EVH he had to pass a physical fitness test, and write a 300 page Opus on Vampire lore (the mental health test was waived, of course. For obvious reasons). Now he comes back to find that apparently any pretty face or even really anyone with a "Vampire Hunters do it all night long" bumper sticker can join. Please. But our boy was not deterred. Wooing his love the traditional way, love notes written in blood. Threatening her parents. Why he even placed here on a pedestal of sorts, "[Sharkey] referred to the Rochester girl as his wife and princess." Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

So ladies, how about it?

Sharkey or the Lost One?

The Lost One will be sitting by his phone waiting for the calls to come in.

Via Ace (As always)