Science! Strikes Again.

Any long term readers of the Lost One's other blog (of which there where none) know that the Lost One has a love/hate relationship with Science! No not, science. Science! the self important article that is released absolutely proving something we usually already knew at a cost of have a mint to the tax payer. It's almost always, overly expensive, and a way to make sure some PH.D candidate is making the jump to full professor. While these stories tend to be fun, they are usually insultingly obvious.

Still...

So, in the spirit of finding the funny the Lost One announces the newest finding of Science!

Kissing a Lover makes you feel good.

Any bets it took them $5 million plus to come to that conclusion? No? Oh, well until next time.

Women Who Should be Avoided, cause, Dude, Wench be Crazy: 1 in a suprisingly large series

So, in order to add a little gender balance to his blog and because his primary (/sole) readership is male the Lost One will now relate the bloody tale of Dominique Fisher.

Like many a cautionary tale, this one starts with a guy who made a bad choice. A very bad choice. Some argue that that choice was getting out of bed on the day of the incident, the Lost One can't really argue with that. But the Lost One being a proximate cause sort, pegs it as drinking. No that's wrong. Not drinking. Drinking is wrong. Drinking excessively to the point of blacking out at the wrong darn time, is what the Lost One meant. See while the boy in question was imbibing, rather, shall we say, generously, he met the afore mentioned Loon at a party.

Now, those of you who have followed the link (which you shouldn't do, until after you've finished the post [can't ruin the ending don't you know]), have probably seen Dominique. She doesn't look crazy. This tip is for the boys, from the Lost One to you. Gents, the really dangerous crazy ones...rarely look crazy. Particularly to drunk eyes. But he digresses.

Our young man having acquired a fresh set of Beer goggles begins a conversation with the crack pot. Mistake #2. Because while a sober person might have seen the crazy coming, our boy was out of his wits. Quesera, sera . During the course of this conversation, Our kooky friend Dominique invites our boy back to her room, for a little...You get the idea.

Here, our inebriated friend failed to remember his Shakespeare, as the Bard tells us, "Strong drink giveth the desire, but taketh away the ability." In this case the ability in question was the ability to defend one's self, but that's in the future.

After returning to the demented dame's flat (as the British say), the two accomplished the young man's mission (so to speak), and he made mistake #3. He passed out in her bed, leaving her with nothing to do, and no one to talk to, so what is young Dominique to do?

Carve her name into his shoulder, it turns out. And not just her name, but also a couple of arrows indicating where her name was on his body, cause the huge bloody swatch was just too darn subtle, the Lost One supposes. Also, some fairly artistic other drawings, that, like an Escher painting, seem to make a new picture depending on the angle one views them in. Interesting. If you know, IT WASN'T THAT IT WAS HACKED INTO HIS ARM. And he stays passed out through the whole, darn episode. Yikes.

But of course, eventually, he wakes up, and of course he calls the police. So what does our girl have to say for herself?

"He asked me to do it."

Moral lessons learned:

1. Drinking to excess is bad.

2. Talking to women in this state, is likewise to be avoided.

3. You are not so attractive as a drunk that any but a psycho-chick will find you attractive.

Just saying. until next time.

Guys Less Worthy of a Date then Me: 1 in a series of a Depressingly Large Number

Ok Ladies, as part of the Lost One's new, "Get me a date this Friday" initiative the Lost One is going to tell of a man whose own status as single, should terrify any woman who reads this blog (of which there are none), directly into the arms of the Lost One purely so they can change their status on Face book/MySpace to "in a relationship". So without further adieu and with no more gilding of the Lilly the Lost One gives you, a brief, terrifying glimpse of Jonathan Alfred "The Impaler" Sharkey.

First thing to know about Sharkey is that he once ran for governor of Minnesota. Now the Lost One knows what you are thinking, "Politician? 'Nuff said." But oh, no friends it gets so much better. See, our boy Sharkey ran on the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party ticket (What does the party believe? Well, they are like the Democratic party, except they are a bunch of very pale white people, who claim to stick up for persecuted minorities but instead spend most of their time sucking their "constituency" dry…Wait a tick, they're exactly like the Democratic party). Less, you think that "The Impaler" is merely a uniting kinda guy, who eschews "identity politics" in favor of a "big tent" approach, Sharkey is, in fact according to his Website (And what website would contain false information?), a vampyre. Yes, you can tell he's old; he spells it with a "y". In his bid for governor he came out with strong religious convictions, "'I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus,' says Sharkey. 'I just hate God the Father.'" On a side note, is the Lost One the only one jazzed that a politician knew enough about Christianity to know the difference? Moving on. Sharkey is quite up front with how he treats those who give money to his cause, ""I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood." Refreshing honesty, given the Lost One is *still* getting E-mails from John McCain encouraging him to donate money (Dude, the Lost One thought you sucked as a presidential candidate, why would he give you money to be someone *else's* Senator?) Yet, somehow he lost.

Oh, sure, like every politician he had a past, a few skeletons in his closet (Litera…Nah, too obvious) but what politician doesn't? Sharkey was arrested twice for "Stalking". What happened to this country when a fella can't go through the trash of random strangers he finds attractive?!?? What like there's some kinda law against that now? Whatever. Moving on.

But Sharkey was rising above it all, to make a stab at the highest office in all the Land, the presidency of these United States (Which, after all is a tale as old as time, isn't it? Creature of the night runs for and loses gubanatorial bid. Creature of the night is arrested for stalking. Creature of the night rises to become president. Who hasn't heard it a thousand times by now?). Yet, it was not to be because of, you guessed it, a woman. Or girl to be exact. Quick, to the crazy (Via the Fox News link), "[Sharkey] was running for president in 2007 when the 16-year-old Rochester girl wrote a message of support on his MySpace page. She told police they began dating online, and the threats began when she tried to break off the relationship." Obviously, this is all the girls fault. I mean, everyone knows that "message of support" is code for, "Please bite my neck", I mean right? Right? Riiiiight? Moving on, "She told police that "in a desperate attempt" to get him to leave her alone, she had e-mailed him that she was a member of an elite vampire hunter society and that continuing their relationship would put him in danger." This statement angers the Lost One so deeply, he can barely type. When the Lost One applied to the EVH he had to pass a physical fitness test, and write a 300 page Opus on Vampire lore (the mental health test was waived, of course. For obvious reasons). Now he comes back to find that apparently any pretty face or even really anyone with a "Vampire Hunters do it all night long" bumper sticker can join. Please. But our boy was not deterred. Wooing his love the traditional way, love notes written in blood. Threatening her parents. Why he even placed here on a pedestal of sorts, "[Sharkey] referred to the Rochester girl as his wife and princess." Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

So ladies, how about it?

Sharkey or the Lost One?

The Lost One will be sitting by his phone waiting for the calls to come in.

Via Ace (As always)

Crazy Obama money, here comes the Lost One!

Well, the Lost One was nervous about his financial future, but the Obamessiah has used his magical powers and assured the Lost One's liquidity for years to come. Having nominated this man:










Ron Sims, offering Praise to the One

For the position of Undersecrutary of Housing and Urban Development, the Lost One is going to charge people $20 bucks a head for pictures with the hand that shook the hand of the man that was chosen by the Lamb of Illinois. He can already see the queue forming. Ah, got to love the followers of the O-cult. Hasta